A Secret Love
by NikkiB1973
Summary: Seven of Nine worships Commander Chakotay from afar. Set after the episode Human Error. AU


**A Secret Love **

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

_**A/N-this story is set after the episode Human Error, AU. **_

**Prologue**

Seven hadn't been expecting his arrival, if she had she would have been better prepared, in fact might have even swapped places with Icheb. He was covering her in the Astrometric's lab as she worked up on the bridge, aiding Tuvok in looking for anomalies. They had reached a particularly fractious part of space. Neelix was uncertain what was ahead, he had heard rumours, but rumours were no help when you were trying to navigate the unknown. The Captain had just left the bridge, she was having a last minute conversation with Harry and Tom Paris. The two men were being sent to scout ahead, using the Delta Flyer to try and get closer to the strange fluctuating patch of space and send back data before allowing Voyager to press ahead.

When the double doors to the bridge opened Seven did not even raise her head from her console. She was expecting the Captain to return to the helm, but when she heard his deep, husky tones greeting everyone on the bridge, her heart constricted in her chest. Her usually nimble fingers slipped on the console, and Seven of Nine did something she hadn't done the whole time she had been aboard Voyager (unless there had been a medical reason of course), she stumbled.

Of course he noticed straight away because he was standing just behind her. She felt his strong, sure hands span her slim waist momentarily; the warmth from his fingers seemed to seep through the thick material of her bio suit, but that had to be her imagination. More than likely the heat she was feeling was from the blush which was beginning to present itself on her pale cheeks, and the sheer mortification that she had shown weakness, not just in front of him, but every other member of crew on the bridge. Seven felt their eyes boring into her, studying her frayed reactions carefully. His presence just now, so soon after everything she had been through, was too much. She hadn't been expecting him, had in fact gone out of her way to avoid him over the last two weeks. She felt exposed as she stepped away from him. The invisible scar, which she had tentatively begun to cover the gaping wound across her heart, ripped open and bled for everyone to see. And she was becoming convinced that they could. This was not the Seven they knew; the proud and stoical Borg drone. No this was the human, Annika Hansen, who was standing before her commander like a frightened child waiting to be disciplined and told off for daring to have feelings for another.

Of course this was all fanciful notions that were running through Seven's fractured thoughts. The Doctor had warned her that she had been pushing herself too hard, that she needed rest and regeneration. But how could a hologram know what it was like to expose yourself like that, to dare to own up to feelings long kept hidden behind metal implants and a need for order and perfection? Seven had shown herself wanting in all respects, so she had clung to the one thing that always made sense to her-her work. Her need to dive in and cocoon herself within the order and ultimate dream of perfection that would in reality be forever unattainable. But now her carefully structured world had been riven apart again by his mere presence. She was back on the holodecks again, lying on the floor as her cortical node shut down the emotions, that in her naivety she had been yearning for-

"Seven...Seven." His voice spoke sharply as he tried to regain her attention. Seven felt a ringing in her ears as if she was one step removed from everyone aboard the ship, especially him. "Seven." He tried again, his tone a little softer this time as he suddenly seemed to realise something was definitely wrong-that her small stumble might be a prelude to something bigger. "Do you need a moment?"

Seven tried to level her gaze with his, but she found it impossible to rasie her vivid blue eyes and look into his enquiring brown ones. She knew she would get lost in them, the way she had during the holo sessions. In her mind she was already back there; the music from the piano tinkling as she sat beside his broad body and felt his gentle fingers pressing on hers as he whispered to her that she should play from the heart.

"Seven of Nine." Tuvok's calm voice broke through her meandering thoughts and she turned swiftly to stare at him, her pupils were dilated and she was breathing heavily as if she had run a marathon. He noted all these things, and he sensed that Seven herself was unaware of what she was doing. "I suggest you should heed the Commander." He stated pointedly.

"Yes...yes of course." Seven swallowed thickly as she slipped past a confused Chakotay and hurriedly strode off the bridge. Her acute ears caught the murmurings from her colleagues. Everyone had noticed. She had shown herself to be weak. Why had she not heeded the Doctor's warning and rested as he advised? She had allowed her stubbornness to override common sense. She thought she knew better, she thought she could overcome and dampen down the feelings that had crept up on her so unexpectedly for Commander Chakotay. In her prideful state she had assumed she could deal with these strong emotions as she dealt with everything. But human emotions were never neat and orderly, could not be placed in a sterile environment to be looked over at a later date. No, they were always there, just below the surface, there to torture and cause pain. Why had she allowed herself to feel? That had been her biggest mistake. Now she had witnesses to her humiliation other than the Doctor, although they had no idea what had caused it.

"Seven, are you alright?" God forbid, he had followed her. She couldn't deal with this, deal with him, not right now. Of course that was why she had been avoiding being anywhere near him, her subconscious had known, but like everything else she had ignored it. "Seven, do you need to go to sickbay?" He placed a hand on her shoulder and immediately she became rigid, once again she felt the heat from his fingers as he squeezed her shoulder in a reassuring fashion.

Why was he touching her? This wasn't the way he usually dealt with her. Was it? Was she misreading everything? She didn't understand, not anything, it was all so confusing. But having him there, so close, so tangible, and talking in that soft, gentle manner as if they were friends and not just crew mates. She couldn't stop the rush of pleasure she got from it, although she was already doing her best to hide it. He asked the question again when she didn't respond and she knew she had to speak, to say something, anything.

"I assure you I am undamaged, Commander." There it was, her Borg stoicism had saved her. Seven hid behind the mental façade of a drone and forced herself to turn and face him.

"You are not yourself though, are you?" Chakotay was studying her carefully, and sighed when he saw her begin to form her usual rigid posture in front of him. He didn't know why but seeing her resort to this irked him. Lately he was certain she had been letting her guard down a little around him and a few others. They'd had quite a relaxed conversation the last time he had seen her. Was it really over two weeks ago? It was just before Neelix's infamous cooking class. He had passed her in the halls and asked if she felt like joining in. For a brief moment he had been almost sure she was going to agree. He shook himself, wondering why was he thinking about this now. He had other pressing concerns, like stopping the Captain from attempting one of her rash away missions. He felt a headache forming and he put a hand to one of his temples.

"I am perfectly well, Commander." Seven tried not to stare at his hand as he massaged his forehead a little. She could see the strain on his face which he tried to hide, but his tiredness was showing. He had been pulling double duty shifts and obviously needed rest just like she did. Just because she hadn't seen him physically did not mean she had not been monitoring him from afar. "I can perform my duties adequately as always."

"Of course you can, Seven. I would never have thought otherwise." Chakotay smiled tiredly at her.

Seven felt her traitorous heart miss a beat and she almost stumbled again, catching herself just in time. She had to lower her eyes from his, she was getting lost again and she couldn't allow that to happen. With superhuman willpower Seven pushed her fragile human emotions deep down inside and arched her metal encased brow. "Shall we?" She asked, indicating they should return to the bridge.

"Of course." Chakotay shook his head as he gestured for Seven to go before him. She nodded stiffly before striding confidently in front of him. Whatever had ailed her before she now seemed to have under control. Chakotay admired her strength and wished she could lend him some of her fortitude. It was now time for him to confront Janeway and hammer his point home, although he was certain he was wasting his breath. But he had to try; it was his job after all. He followed Seven back onto the bridge and under the enquiring eyes of the crew he headed to the Captain's ready room. He didn't get to see Seven, with her heart in her eyes for all to see, if only they were looking, as she stared after him until the doors closed and he was hidden from view.

_**A/N-thanks for reading and please, please review!**_


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